Sexual Persistence
Sexual Persistence
Hi, I just joined the group. I am in desperate need of help. My husband has had PD for 27 yrs. He is still active with garden, mowing yard, etc. For some reason his brain still thinks he is able to have sex. This is absurb as he can not function in this manor. Apparently his brain says yes and his body says no. He is driving me crazy with his persistence. He is 67. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get him to give up this denial? We have been married (very happily) for 48 yrs.
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Hello, this seems to be a common 'complaint'. It seems some PD medicaments
increase the libido. The best thing is to try to enjoy it ;-). I don't know
if anyone has a better solution.
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My husband was the same way. We finally went to his regular
doctor and he prescribed Viagra. It has been great for him so
far. I don't have any other suggestion but maybe someone else
does. But you should let you doctor make that decision because
of the fact that if he is taking heart medication it could cause
a heart attack.
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I think the writer means he wants to, but can't, but keeps trying. Had
that problem. This was pre-Viagra. Would that be an option?
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Does your husband become upset if he can't accomplish the sexual act (errection, intercourse and ejaculation) or is the "foreplay," i.e., the cuddling, kissing and stroking what keeps him coming back for more? If he can't complete the sexual act, does he become upset and irritated? If so, does he not remember these frustrating episodes? Or, does he feel he must "keep trying" as this is one of his spousal duties and he doesn't want to deprive you?
During or after such an attempt is NOT the time for a discussion of your needs or his abilities. But, a gentle discussion another time when you are both relaxed and can be honest with your feelings and thinking about sexual relations might help to ease the tensions and/or expectations both of you might be feeling.
Even if the sexual act is not possible, PLEASE remember that human beings are "hard-wired" for touch. We need physical contact with other humans or we can shrivel up and die. When one is physically limited in one way, hugging, kissing, stroking the arm or just holding hands can become very important.
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One of the "side effects" of PD and it's medications is an
increased libido. Some can still do it, but most of the time, meds like
antidepressants
prevent this. However, it's my understanding that this phase passes.
Some sooner than for others.
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This is something that has been discussed on both CARE and the main PD list---it does seem to be true that Sinemet may act as an erotic stimulant in some PWPs, and at some times. I wondered what meds your husband takes? If he has a degree of dementia, of course, he may not remember what happened last time he tried.......but it sounds as if this is unpleasant or stressful for you, as well as frustrating for him. I recall times when my husband also seemed stimulated by Sinemet but was realistic about it, and really responded to a post that was written by a PWP on PIEN list, which I'll post for you and others. We felt it described our situation well, so far as broadening the concept of sexuality beyond intercourse. This is such a personal matter, differing for each couple, and influenced by their own personalities and experience. Is it possible that an "attitude change" would help?
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Thanks for your help. I could care less because everytime it is a constant reminder that he does have PD and it is hard for me to see my spouse in this condition. Even Viagra does not help him. He can't get up let alone get in. He will admit that he can't function and then 2 wks later he is after me again. I am content just hugging and kissing and cuddling but that leads him to think...Oh boy, maybe this time it will work. Every muscle in his body is affected with parkinson's. Why does he think this one is any different? Beats me!
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I have read several studies and seen videos on Alzheimers while I was
pursuing my degree that documented a correlation between increased sexual
drive and/or sexual inappropriateness and dementia. As I am online with
CARE I read more and more of a correlation with PD and dementia....so there
may be something here. Sexuality is certainly an important part of life to
many, usually more important to the males, but not necessarily so. This is
definitely a problem in our lives, in a different way than you described;
but something that I am not comfortable talking about personally at this
time.
As far as "help/suggestions to get him to give up this denial"....I don't
have any answers, but I certainly have empathy about the persistence part.
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Have you discussed this situation with your PD neurologist. If he cannot
help he may be able to recommend some specialist. You have enough stresses
to cope with without having to fend your loving husband off and I suspect
that each failure must be crushing to him which then impacts on you. If
Viagra is recommended you must be honest in your discussion as to whether
you are physically and/or mentally prepared to cope with a highly sexed
husband. Don't forget your needs are equally as important.
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I have heard this about anti-depressants, ask the doc if he can try Wellbutrin,
it causes increased sex drive for many. It was the Viagra of the 90's but its
first bad reputation prevented it from being popular. They have improved it to
where it does not cause seizures as a side effect anymore than any other
anti-depressant....just a thought.
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Thank you all for your help. Yes , I have discussed this with his neuro and
family Drs. They won't touch it and tell me it is my problem and that we should
work it out between us. HA! He insists that I am "NOT BEING FAIR TO HIM." That I
am taking this away just as I did the car, etc. I feel he needs to blame the
correct culprit,PD and not me.
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