I've been following the list for few months now but have not to date provided any background on myself. I am approaching 69 and my wife was diagnosed with PD in 1963. I myself have a wild and wacky medical history culminating in a Kidney transplant in 1990. Since May of last year my wife has had two serious falls which have culminated in her being totally dependent on others for alll the aspects of daily living and is presently confined to an extended care facility and probably will until she passes on to be with the Lord. My major problem now centres around making decisions about what will happen if certain events occur. I have signed a "do not resusitate order" in the event of breathing or heart failure and I can accept that. The problem that is now rearing it's head is that of "aspiration pneumonia". Do I:
(a) tell the Doctors to withhold anti-biotics in the event this occurs or
(b) is my decision really based on ending my wife's suffering or because it makes things easier for me.
I really cannot come to terms with this, my life style is deteriorating in spite of help from my church friends. It is getting more difficult to communicate with my wife because she has difficulty speaking although she is completely aware of everything going on around her but we have now resorted to an alphabet board for her to convey her thoughts. I guess my question is how do I make choices for my wife of 47 years who has been so forgiving of me at times when I didn't deserve it and has loved me unconditionally always. Can someone help.
It would seem to me if you had this type of discussion you should have an inkling of what her wishes would be. I realize it is always a difficult choice to make. However, you may never have to make this decision.
The good Lord just may do it for you.
I wish I had been more knowledgeable about how to stand up to the doctors. My mother had a living will and I know she would not have wanted to go on at that point. I think we sometimes forget or wish to not be reminded that we are really mortal and have to die sometime. In the old days they used to say that pneumonia was an old man's best friend.
I can understand your pain. But in my experience, the pain of seeing my mother go on for months suffering was even more painful. That's just my humble opinion.
My husband's quality of life really sucks. His only pleasure that if left is eating, and if he gets Aspiration Pneumonia again, I will follow the suggestions of Hospice as to treatment or not. As you may know, my husband is prone to Urinary Tract infections and has been taking preventive antibiotics for years in between aggressive treatment when the infections got bad. He is never completely free of a UTI. The last time he had a bad one, we decided with Hospice help not to treat it with antibiotics. We had had to discontinue them earlier because he was getting so many yeast infections. He became extremely ill, and the nurse told me and the office staff that he would probably go that night. The next day, his fever receded, and he is still here! I know he is happier knowing that Hospice is coming and that nothing heroic will be done to keep him alive, and I believe he has decided that he is not quite ready yet to leave.
You are dealing with some very difficult issues, but for me, I have found that putting it in God's hands is the most helpful. May God help you with your choices.