Demands on CareGivers
Demands on CareGivers
This thread is about people with parkinson's who are inappropriately demanding and difficult.
What you describe with your father sounds a fair bit like my mother. I've finally decided that she has regressed emotionally to toddlerhood. The way she deals with things is just like a 4-year-old. She acts out in order to get attention, she fusses in order to get her way, and she blames her mistakes on other people.
Understanding this has made things a LITTLE easier for me and my sister. We have to think of her as a 4-year-old in our mom's body.
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The situation with my mom is really frustrating to me. She is
martyring,
demanding, controlling, and infantile. I've often observed that as people get older they seem to become caricatures of themselves. They don't change so much as they become more and more like themselves! My mom was always
the way she is, but it's sorta like she was only an amateur before and now she's a *professional.* Know what I mean?
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I see a lot of my mother in that description. It's like a carbon copy
profile of her. I'm a freelance writer and I work out of home, which can be
useful if I
need to keep an eye on mum. What started of as a convenient system is now threatening my job, my work time and my sense of well being. Because mum is now actually "martyring, demanding, controlling, and infantile" (I could never
ever be able to verbalize that, on my own, without feeling guilty in some way.)
Mum wants attention all the time. If she doesn't get it, she will cry like a baby and go into tantrums - which can include a head-banging sequence on the wall. Last week I had
to contend with this for 36 hours, non-stop...after which I was so exhausted that I just slapped her. I can't believe I did that, but I did. I don't know what people will say, if I even mention this to them. I can't see them understanding what it's really like to look after someone who does not
accept she has the problem or moans every single minute why God's doing this to
her.
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I'm so sorry that things are so difficult for you as CG for your mom, as I know how hard you try to do it well. I have to wonder, if this is a change in her behavior, whether there is some dementia which causes a change in her personality? It is not unusual for a PWP to act in ways you describe. If that is a possibility, have you discussed her actions with
her neuro? Is there a possibility of some anti-anxiety , anti-psychotic or
sedative medication which would help her to feel more relaxed and
comfortable and you to be able to work? if you haven't explored that
please do so.....and try to find ways that you can have some respite. Isn't
there someone else who can give her the attention she demands ? It is
hard to empathize with someone who behaves as she does, even if in your
heart you know it is the disease that makes her act that way. It wasn't
easy for you to tell us that you had "lost it" and slapped her in
desperation---and I know you are seeking ways to avoid a repeat of that
episode.
Please stay in touch and let us know how you are coping, and whether any of
these ideas are a help--we care.
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So glad for your post today. My first reaction was that the
"constant hovering" sounds likewhat CGs for Alzheimer's patients report in
our local CG group. Please ask the neuro about dementia as a contributing
factor in her actions. You know, I expect that having PD doesn't rule out
AD too in some cases. I'm glad too that you are getting help for
yourself---that's a top priority too.
Let me know what develops.
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Thanks a million. Your response was most reassuring.
I am planning to meet a counsellor this week, just to diffuse some of the
tension I seem to be building up. I will also try and identify another
neurologist who can spend a little more time with my mother. (Though that is
going to be pretty hard.)
As I key this in, I can see mum hovering around nearby, just to catch my
eye. It's just that she just can't seem to leave me alone - even for five
minutes. As much as I try to get a rational view of this, I find myself
increasingly painting myself into a corner. I haven't yet opened my CARE
Digest for the day, as yet, so I don't really know what other people think
of the episode. But it does feel good to hear from you
that you "understand" and "care".
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