My husband went into assisted living on Monday, Daughter Sharon helped move him in.
Things went down hill from there. He got violent with the nurses, hurt one and tried a direct punch to the face with another. They got the doc to put him on a powerful sedative. He was almost comatose.
The next night, the managing director had to come in. They put him in depends which he doesn't want and was peeing everywhere.
Yesterday I got up at 6 to go get the car fixed. Got back at 9 to Ashford court. My husband was pretty much out of it so went home and took my long suffering daughter to an art gallery and out to lunch.
Got back to Ashford to find they had put My husband in the alz unit. He had pulled the fire alarm that put down the big fire doors which have to be raised professionally and no one can do it until Monday, also costs 400 dollars. He also had gone out an alarmed door and bells and whistles everywhere.
Still pretty comatose last night. This morning got there at 9:30. As I passed his new room, blinds were still drawn. There are only 12 people in alz and two aides . One aide was watching TV. Went to his room. There was blood wall to wall. He was sitting buck naked in his own pee. I went ballistic, he hadn't even been given breakfast. Asked why he wasn't dressed and cleaned up. Aide said two people were needed for him. At that time he couldn't stand or walk, much less hurt someone. What a total nightmare.
How can things go so bad so rapidly. My daughters say I've been keeping him propped up for about a year but he wasn't like this. Difficult at night, and the last time I really got hurt but don't know what will happen now. My inclination was to bring him home but can no longer handle him alone. He is really strong and I can't blame them for being afraid of him and I'm afraid no one else will work for me to handle him at night. What an awful way for a wonderful life with a wonderful man to go.
I really think that the drugs that now keep pwp's alive contribute to their going into total dementia. Perhaps it's kinder to let the disease take it's course.
I suspect that by now, Your husband has been transferred to special mental evaluation ward in the hospital where they can monitor his drugs very carefully and get things under control. This is what several of my friends have had to resort to, and it can be very upsetting to both patient and family. However, I have been very impressed with what they can accomplish when they take a patient off everything and start over one drug at a time. You are surely in the prayers of us all today. Perhaps tomorrow will be better. You are so right: this is no way for a wonderful man to end his days. I think this every day.
However the condition that you found Your husband in is not acceptable. This may sound hyper critical, but with only 12 patients and 2 aides 1 of which was watching TV. I cannot imagine that at 9:30 AM with patients still needing care that the aide felt it okay to make excuses about this situation. You cannot possibly take care of Your husband at home! You can certainly make waves about the care that you pay for that Your husband did not get. Talk to the administrator, the charge nurse. Find out the reasons they have for this kind of care he is getting. Just know that you have a right to expect better. I certainly hope that this episode was just a one time incident.
Having worked an Alzheimer’s locked unit for many years I realize that some strange things happen. I just have a problem with an aide expressing that kind of attitude. Do hope that things are getting better for you.
> Still pretty comatose last night. This morning got there at 9:30. As I
> passed his new room, blinds were still drawn. There are only 12 people in
> alz and two aides . One aide was watching TV. Went to his room. There was
> blood wall to wall. He was sitting buck naked in his own pee. I went
> ballistic, he hadn't even been given breakfast. Asked why he wasn't dressed
> and cleaned up. Aide said two people were needed for him. At that time he
> couldn't stand or walk, much less hurt someone. What a total nightmare.
The above situation shouldn't happen to anyone for any reason. As you talk with the people there (go as high as you need to go) about what you found, why it was unacceptable and how they are going to correct the situation, you might think about getting their e-mail addresses and sending them messages summarizing what has happened and what has been agreed to. Putting it in writing sometimes gets quicker results.
In addition, I strongly recommend keeping a diary of every incident, making it as detailed as necessary. You might even find it helps you let off some steam. If you ever need to go to court, a diary is very helpful, and is usually given much more weight than non-written remembrances.
Meanwhile, I don't think you can afford to try to bring Your husband home with you. Please enlist all the support you need to find another solution, and meanwhile know that we're all with you, holding your hand long-distance. Wish we could be there to help.